What's on my Mind

I grew up journaling - I go through phases now in my life where I journal more at some times than I do at other times. Some times I have been given such clarity by journaling - I can just write whatever is on my mind. I have books filled with prayers - just pouring my heart out to God. I was inspired by my friend Tiffany to free write today. Tiffany did this on her blog the other day - she wrote "If you are not familiar with free writing it is an exercise in which one writes whatever comes to mind for a predetermined amount of time and doesn't go back and read it or correct the grammar while writing." I decided to try this. My time limit is 5 minutes starting now.


I am so happy to have had great one-on-one time with Trey this morning. We ate yogurt parfaits together while Jonathan slept. David was away at a meeting. I cherish this alone time I get with Trey. He brings me such utter delight.

He is learning to talk more. I sometimes wonder if he is delayed in some way verbally when I compare him to other children his age. It makes me afraid that I am not doing enough with him to help him develop. The things he says are so cute - like his saying "bow". We were reading from our Jesus Storybook Bible the other night about Noah and the rainbow. Then the next night there was a rainbow in the sky. That doesn't happen a lot in Arizona - I believe that was God's gift to us - to remind us that He knows right where we are and what is going on in our lives.

I always question what I am doing as a mama - am I doing a good job? I want so much to give my little ones the best start in life. I don't want to put Trey in a preschool but I see other kids his age in daycare or preschool and I wonder if we should do that for Trey to give him more opportunity. It's so expensive and I would rather him be home with us.

I need to clean today - I am so proud for having my cleaning list all made out for each day of the week. Now to just implement it. I need to go through Jonathan's things and get out bigger clothes for him. I just don't seem to be able to have the time to do it when both boys are asleep. I want more than anything to be organized and to keep our life simple. I have dinner planned and need to get some heavy cream at the store for the sauce.

David made me coffee before he left for his meeting. I love him. We didn't have any creamer today so I used milk. It was still good.

I had a good quiet time this morning. I needed that. I realize my need for Jesus so much more now with the enormous task of raising 2 little boys in front of me. I don't know how I will do going back to work - I am thankful for a good job. But I am dreading going back - I hate the night shift funk I will be in. I don't like being away from my family. I know some women want and need to work - I am different. I want and need to be home with my family.

Tomorrow is my Grammy's 80th birthday - she is one of my favorite people in the entire world. I'm sad we won't be there to celebrate with her.

Time is up - that was fun - I could have kept writing. I may try this again sometime. I'm off to play with Trey and wait for Jonathan to wake up.