Downgrading

Have you ever felt like your life was circling the drain?  I say this referring to your life getting busier and feeling more cluttered but you can't seem to keep up?  That is how I have felt in the last couple months despite the fact that I am not working outside the home any longer.  I kept thinking that after we moved, things would feel less stressful.  And then I was thinking that after we got our home all unpacked and organized, things would feel less stressful.  And then I assumed that after we all got into a bit of a schedule and routine, life would be a little less stressful.   But it didn't.  Life on the outside kept getting more calm, and life on the inside (of me) kept getting more and more crazy.  I didn't want to say a whole lot to anyone because I didn't want it to appear that I was ungrateful or incapable of staying home with my boys and being a homemaker.  I had wanted so badly to be home with my family, and now that I had it, I was feeling completely overwhelmed.  I realized that I needed to get a grip I needed to be renewed in my mind but I wasn't sure what to do about it.  So as I have been seeking some sort of balance in my life, I have discovered a couple things.  They are simple and basic but also have a profound impact if I'm not following through.
1) I need Jesus.  Really need Him.  I am learning this in a deeper way.  I don't know about you, but I have found that marriage and motherhood have driven me to my knees more than any other roles in my life.  I can't do this on my own.  I need wisdom and insight that can only come from my Heavenly Father.  I have found that I am craving quiet time with Him.  I need to trust Him to provide for us, and be joyfully grateful for all His blessings. 

Trey showing Jonathan pictures in the Jesus Storybook Bible

2) I need sleep.  I haven't really slept well in over 2 years because of working night shift.  Even when I went back to work in January after Jonathan was born, I only slept for a couple hours at a time before David would bring him in to nurse.  My body is still so tired.  And that affects my outlook on life.  Along the same lines is eating properly and exercising regularly.  My body has been out of whack in so many areas because of my work schedule, but I have been trying to be intentional about making small, steady changes.

3) I need friends.  It's not that I don't want to have friends, but all relationships take effort and time.  When I am feeling like I am in #2 above, I don't really want to make time for friends.  But I am finding that by getting out a little bit everyday or so by meeting a friend at the park while our children play, it is helping me overall. I think when you have children, it is hard to reach out because time is so limited, but it is so important.  Other people need me too - not only do my friends have something to offer me, but I have something to offer them too.  I still have a home to manage and children to train, but in the end, I still have free time available for others.    I am so thankful for the women that have befriended me since we moved, and it brings me great joy to see my boys having fun learning and interacting with other children.

4) I need to prioritize.  I get distracted very easily.  Have you ever been around someone who is with you but not present with you?  I tend to be a blog/Facebook addict waste a bit of time on things that don't matter a whole lot.  I have been really convicted of this most recently when we were upgrading my cell phone.  My smartphone had internet on it.  I would sit during any spare minutes I had and surf the web and check status updates on Facebook.  My boys would be in the bathtub, and I would be sitting there with them but checking my email.  I got so tired of wasting my time and not being present.  I couldn't seem to put it down.  I talked in length to my husband about this too.  I don't want to walk through life distracted and unaware of the needs around me.  I want to be attentive to my family.  So we downgraded me.  I gave up my smart phone, and now just have a simple phone to make calls or occasionally text with no internet.  I can't tell you the freedom I felt (and the money we are saving every month) in downgrading my plan.

I have a medical condition (hypothyroidism) that may be causing some of these "funkish" feelings - I recently went to my doctor to have some labs drawn to make sure my thyroid levels are still where they should be.  But I think that a lot of changes at one time (like moving, changing careers, etc.) can be overwhelming to most people.  I am so thankful that God promises that His mercies are new every day - I don't need to worry about how I'm going to get through tomorrow or even next week.  I have to trust He is sufficient for today, and resting in His care brings joy that circumstances can't diminish.