What's on my Mind

I grew up journaling - I go through phases now in my life where I journal more at some times than I do at other times. Some times I have been given such clarity by journaling - I can just write whatever is on my mind. I have books filled with prayers - just pouring my heart out to God. I was inspired by my friend Tiffany to free write today. Tiffany did this on her blog the other day - she wrote "If you are not familiar with free writing it is an exercise in which one writes whatever comes to mind for a predetermined amount of time and doesn't go back and read it or correct the grammar while writing." I decided to try this. My time limit is 5 minutes starting now.


I am so happy to have had great one-on-one time with Trey this morning. We ate yogurt parfaits together while Jonathan slept. David was away at a meeting. I cherish this alone time I get with Trey. He brings me such utter delight.

He is learning to talk more. I sometimes wonder if he is delayed in some way verbally when I compare him to other children his age. It makes me afraid that I am not doing enough with him to help him develop. The things he says are so cute - like his saying "bow". We were reading from our Jesus Storybook Bible the other night about Noah and the rainbow. Then the next night there was a rainbow in the sky. That doesn't happen a lot in Arizona - I believe that was God's gift to us - to remind us that He knows right where we are and what is going on in our lives.

I always question what I am doing as a mama - am I doing a good job? I want so much to give my little ones the best start in life. I don't want to put Trey in a preschool but I see other kids his age in daycare or preschool and I wonder if we should do that for Trey to give him more opportunity. It's so expensive and I would rather him be home with us.

I need to clean today - I am so proud for having my cleaning list all made out for each day of the week. Now to just implement it. I need to go through Jonathan's things and get out bigger clothes for him. I just don't seem to be able to have the time to do it when both boys are asleep. I want more than anything to be organized and to keep our life simple. I have dinner planned and need to get some heavy cream at the store for the sauce.

David made me coffee before he left for his meeting. I love him. We didn't have any creamer today so I used milk. It was still good.

I had a good quiet time this morning. I needed that. I realize my need for Jesus so much more now with the enormous task of raising 2 little boys in front of me. I don't know how I will do going back to work - I am thankful for a good job. But I am dreading going back - I hate the night shift funk I will be in. I don't like being away from my family. I know some women want and need to work - I am different. I want and need to be home with my family.

Tomorrow is my Grammy's 80th birthday - she is one of my favorite people in the entire world. I'm sad we won't be there to celebrate with her.

Time is up - that was fun - I could have kept writing. I may try this again sometime. I'm off to play with Trey and wait for Jonathan to wake up.

Jonathan - One Month

We have been enjoying getting to know Jonathan. He has been in our family a little over a month now. He is a really good baby. Trey loves him to pieces - he still doesn't quite understand how to be gentle with his baby brother but he is getting better. Jonathan gets lots of slobbery kisses on a daily basis from Trey - he doesn't mind the kisses too much but he does mind when Trey climbs on top of him to give him the kisses. We still haven't seen any kind of jealousy from Trey towards Jonathan - we have tried to give Trey a lot of one-on-one time with us when Jonathan is asleep.


Jonathan eats well and sleeps pretty well. At his one month visit, he weighed 11 pounds 14 ounces and was 22 inches long. He has lots of little fat rolls all over his body. He goes for 3-4 hour stretches at night. I cherish the times that he wakes to nurse in the middle of the night. Even though I am tired, I know this time with him as a newborn is going so quickly. I don't want to wish it away.


Jonathan has a bit of a temper - much more than Trey did. But he doesn't stay mad for long. This picture was taken while I was getting him dressed after his bath. Some nights he cries after his bath and some nights he just lays there and studies me with an intent look. He doesn't cry for diaper changes anymore. We are still cloth diapering and are very happy with our decision. We have bought some more cloth diapers but haven't bought any disposable diapers. We do a load of diaper laundry every 3-4 days, so it hasn't been that much more work than disposables.

We bought Jonathan a swing, and he really likes it. We didn't buy one for Trey - we had borrowed one from a friend. The swing has been good because Jonathan likes to be held a lot. I love holding him, and I have carried him quite a bit in my Moby wrap when I go out or even around the house doing work. Trey likes to walk up to Jonathan and try to climb in the swing with him. The most exhausting part of having two little ones is trying to keep Trey from unintentionally hurting Jonathan. He doesn't understand that Jonathan doesn't want to be climbed on. Like I said, Trey is getting more gentle each day with Jonathan. We couldn't be happier with our two little boys and want to raise them to be good friends.

Traveling for the Holidays

This is how we got around the airport - David also carried Trey's car seat and pulled another suitcase

Merry Christmas!

We were able to be with both sides of our family for Christmas and New Years. We had originally thought that we weren't going anywhere because I was due with Jonathan so close to Christmas. But because we had been here last Christmas without family, we knew it would hard to be away again this year. We thought that we would have to fly to either Tennessee or Pennsylvania, but when I checked roundtrip ticket prices, I was so discouraged. To either place they were around $600 per person. I knew we couldn't justify paying that much for tickets when we usually pay about half that to fly home. I was feeling so homesick - I think between being pregnant and just wanting to see family. One day after work, I was sleeping and I woke up with the thought of trying to see how much one way tickets would be. I always wake up with these ideas that I can't get out of my head (which is really annoying when you are trying to make your body sleep during the day). So I got up in the middle of the day and proceeded to check one way ticket prices. I was happy to find that by buying 3 one-way tickets from here to TN, from TN to PA, and from PA back here, we could see both sides of our family and also fly for about $450 per person. So we decided to be crazy and fly home for Christmas with a toddler and a newborn.

We flew first to TN and spent Christmas with David's family. We had fun visiting with his parents, his brothers, and their wives. Trey and Jonathan travelled really well. We were happy to have to buy a seat for Trey this time on the plane because he does so much better when he is secured in his car seat. The time difference was a little bit of an adjustment, and we were around a lot of people that Trey is around all the time. But I think overall, he did very well. He loves people, and he provided us all with lots of entertainment. Trey had fun on Christmas - we really tried to focus on Jesus and His birthday but it's hard when we weren't at home to incorporate all that we wanted to incorporate into Christmas. I felt like the day went so fast, and I wanted to take it all in but it was hard to do so. One thing we didn't do is make a birthday cake for Jesus. We did that last year, and I want to be sure we do that next year. I think that is a very tangible way for Trey to see and understand that it is Jesus' birthday. I've struggled a bit the last few Christmases and I am not totally sure why. I enjoy the gift giving at Christmas, but what I really enjoy most of all is being together with loved ones. I think giving gifts can be burdensome at times because even in our Christian families, I feel the pressure to buy the "perfect gift". I get really caught up in the shopping part instead of simply trying to express my love to the person I am giving the gift to. Every year I want to simplify yet every year it is hard to do what I intend.

The Ashworth family
I think this picture is a bit awkward because everyone was all posed for the picture except David and me because we were trying to chase Trey who was playing with his cousins - we quickly jumped into place, but I still think we look out of place here

We spent a week in Tennessee and then flew to Pennsylvania to see my side of the family. We spent a week and a half there. It was so cold there, but we enjoyed being with family. Trey had fun playing with his cousins. We were able to spend some time with my Gramma which meant a great deal to me. We felt a little housebound by the end of our time there because it was too cold some days to go outside to play. My mom had found a warm coat, snow pants, and boots for Trey to play out in the snow with. She also cooked a lot of my favorite meals - nothing like mom's cooking.

Gramma and Jonathan

Trey and his cousin Isaac

Trey walking back up the hill we had sled down

My dad and Jonathan snuggling

We are glad that we had money in savings to fly home with, and it was an even better treat that we could see both sides of our family. We are so thankful to all of our family for all the wonderful gifts they gave to us. I am so glad that Jonathan was able to meet both sides of our family so soon after he was born. He continues to be a blessing to our family.