She loves me, she loves me not

I've been reminded about the importance of my motive behind my actions the last couple of weeks.  I sense that God is stirring my heart -  not exactly sure what He is teaching me just yet - but I know He is stirring me and drawing me closer to His heart.  I'm starting to understand in a deeper way that this life is about my relationship with Him not about how carefully I construct my own little rules and then check them off my list.  It's about how my heart and spirit is obedient to Him even when my life (and my children) may still appear messy and not in perfect control.  I've been reminded of this recently because I am so new to this stay at home mom role.  I was initially overwhelmed but am now settling into what God has for me during this season of life.  And I want to do it well.  Here goes my list of expectations for myself: I want the children to mind me when I tell them something.  I want the house to be clean and cozy (not chaotic) when David comes home from work.  I want my dinners to be impeccably timed and tasteful.  I know that my life will not run perfectly, but I have certain standards that I want to maintain.  But today as I was hurrying around trying to get baths done and dinner dishes cleaned up, God's Spirit spoke very clearly to me about my motives and my impatient spirit, my often unloving attitudes, and about trusting Him with the jobs He has given me to do today.  My mind was brought to I Corinthians 13 that talks about all the great things a person can accomplish in life, but if love is not the driving force, it is worthless - it means nothing.  As I was giving the boys a bath tonight, I thought about the chapter in relation to things I tend to struggle with when it comes to loving motives.

Joy's version of I Corinthians 13

If I read my little boys 7 books in a row but try to rush through each one and have not love, I am a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I stay up late with a feverish child or get out of bed early with a teething infant but am impatient and have not love, I am nothing.
If I cook a meal for a new family or sacrificially donate to Operation Christmas Child or talk with a frazzled mom friend on the phone but have not love (and worse, maintain a critical or selfish spirit), I gain nothing.
Love is patient (despite being inconvenienced or having no time for myself), love is kind (even when I am being asked the same question for the 33rd time in a row).  It does not envy (even when it seems like all of our friends materially have so much more than we do), it does not boast (even when I - often driven by my insecurity - want to talk up something amazing that I think my little boy just did), it is not proud (even when it is scary to admit I need help).  It is not rude (even when I believe my husband has misunderstood me), it is not self-seeking (even when I want time for myself instead of caring for my children and home), it is not easily angered (even when I still believe my husband continues to misunderstand me - instead love seeks to understand him and his heart), it keeps no record of wrongs (even when my child has continuously disobeyed me during the day).  Love does not delight in evil (even when someone who was just rude to me on the road gets pulled over a few minutes later for speeding) but rejoices with the truth (even when the truth is hard to face).  It always protects (even when I would rather attack), always trusts (when it is so much easier to give into fear), always hopes (even when we haven't been paid since September), always perseveres (even when it would be easier to turn away when my child needs correction).  Love never fails (though I in my human flesh will fail to love perfectly, my Father God who is defined as Love will never fail).

I am far from perfect - often fall short in loving my family and others well.  But I have a perfect Model who loves me exactly as I need and shows me how to love.  I am rejoicing tonight that He speaks so directly to me - even during a soapy, wet bubble bath with my boys squealing and splashing. I don't want to miss the many opportunities He gives me throughout my day to learn how to love the way He has shown me.

Three

 

Dear sweet Trey,

Happy third birthday!  I am so happy that God gave you to me and Daddy to care for and raise.  You bring so much life, love, and joy into our home.  I love hearing your little voice fill every room that you are in.  I smile when I hear you giggling with Daddy or with Jonathan.  My heart is happy when I see your eyes dance with excitement over something you have just learned or discovered.  I love being your Mommy more than anything else in the entire world.

This was a big year for you.  You became a big brother to Jonathan.  There have been moments when you haven't been too sure about this new little person entering into our family.  But overall, you have been a very loving and sweet brother.  You have gotten really good at saying "I'm sorry" to Jonathan for tackling him or knocking him over.  You have such a tender, sweet (yet determined) spirit.

You are all potty trained now.  We tried back in the Spring but you had so many accidents that we decided to wait until after we moved.  Then in September, I told you one morning "No more diapers."  And you never wore a diaper again.  You are such a big boy, and you have us all clap and cheer for you when you go potty.  You also clap for me and Daddy when we go potty too.  I love your fun loving nature.

You love to read books.  We read before bedtime and often throughout the day.  You enjoy playing with Thomas and your other trains more than anything else, but you have fun coloring and doing other art activities too.  Your favorite movies are Finding Nemo, Toy Story, and LeapFrog Letter Factory.  You ask to go to church, school, and the library on a daily basis.  We also have fun going to the park to walk or play on the playground several times a week.  I love watching you learn, grow, and have fun.

You talk so well and say so many things now - earlier in the year we took you for some speech therapy and I think it helped you.  Some of my favorite things to hear you say are "Mama, lay down with me" when it is time to go to sleep and you want me or Daddy to lay down with you for a little bit.  "Mommy, rock please - mama, cover me with my manky (blanky)" when you want to be rocked a little before going to sleep - you always insist on being covered with your blue blanket.  Or "I go to time out" after you have taken a toy or hit your brother - you automatically know to go sit in time out.  "I wuuuuuuuuvvvvvv you" in your sweet little voice with the "wuv" sounded out over a couple seconds.   "Mama, come fere (here)" as you take me by the finger and guide me wherever you want me to go at the moment.  "I need my tup (cup) please."

We moved from Arizona to Georgia this year, so now we are closer to our families.  You left the only home you ever remember, but now Mommy gets to stay home with you all the time.  I can't think of anything I would rather do than spend my days caring for you and Jonathan and making our home a nice, happy place for Daddy to come home to.  You are loved by so many people - Daddy, Mama, Jonathan, and so many friends and family love you, but Jesus loves you the most.  We pray everyday that one day you will grow to love Jesus too.  Sometimes when you are sleeping, I will lay next to you on your bed and pray for you.  I pray that you will grow to be a kind, loving person who makes a difference in the world, and that one day you will make Jesus the Lord of your life just like Daddy and I have done.  You are such a precious boy, and I am so blessed that you are mine. 

I love you,
Mama

1 month old

15 months old

2 years old