Hi again!

Hi friends!

I have been MIA in the blogging world for awhile, but I am back with renewed purpose and perspective.   If you take the time to read here, I want you to be refreshed and to see a little of Jesus through my life.  After all, He is all that matters, and He is Who I want you to see.  I really want this blog to be an encouragement to those that happen upon it.  I am hoping to be able to share with you some of my journey to find joy in the everyday.  I see so many mamas of littles that are stressed and shouting at their kids and not at all joyful.  I know very well how frustrating and tiring it can be to have these little people constantly at your heels.  But I believe God has called me as a mama to serve my children and my husband as a service to Him.  And when I see my caring for them as ultimately serving my Creator, my entire perspective changes.  And I want my boys to look back on their childhood as having a mama that was joyful, that laughed with them, and enjoyed who they were.  So this is my renewed perspective - I hope that I will be authentic, be an encouragement and a breath of fresh air to you.

Cloth Diaper Giveaway

 

My close friend Jenn is hosting a cloth diaper giveaway at her blog The Riese's Pieces.  As many of you know, we chose to cloth diaper when we were pregnant with Jonathan, and we have loved it!   Not only has it been a huge cost savings for us, it has also been really convenient because we never have to run to the store because we are low on diapers. 

I was afraid to cloth diaper at first.  I had visions of bad smells, diaper pins, and rubber pants.  I didn't get a lot of support for cloth diapering either - I think a lot of people thought we were a little crazy.  "Why give up the convenience of disposable diapers?" was something we heard a lot.  Disposable diapers can only be used one time, but cloth diapers can be used from child to child so the only investment is up front.  But not only are disposable diapers expensive, they are also environmentally unfriendly.  The thing that really bothered me is how long Trey could be in a diaper and not ever feel wet when he had a disposable diaper on.  What were the chemicals that were right up against his skin that he was exposed to for hours on end?   And I think that cloth feels so much better than paper, so it has to be more comfortable for Jonathan.   We will still use disposables occasionally when we are on a long trip, but I am so thankful that we made this choice.

 

A friend at work was cloth diapering her 4th baby, and when she had outgrown some of her diapers, she gave me a stash of about 20 newborn size diapers.  So I gave it a try without really having to invest in anything.  And once we started, we were hooked. I would love to someday be able to help another new mom get started with cloth diapering the way my friend helped me. 

But for now, I am hoping to win this giveaway so I can add one more diaper to our supply.  I love, love, love the cute designs.  And I love how cute Jonathan looks in his little cloth diapers.  I need to stop looking at the pictures of him as a newborn because it's giving me major baby fever - yikes!

 

Happy 1st Birthday, Jonathan {only 1 1/2 months late}

Dear sweet Jonathan-boy,

I can't believe how much my heart expanded with love for you the moment I saw you on ultrasound.  I had heard people say that would happen when another child came into our family, but it was hard to understand.  Before you, I loved your big brother with every ounce of my being.  And when you arrived, I found I had the same love for you.  From the moment I knew about you, there was nothing I wouldn't do to protect you or give even my very life for you.  Your name means "Gift from God" - you are truly a gift to our family.

You are a happy baby, but no one can make you belly laugh (or cry) like your big brother Trey.  You like to chase him around the house by crawling after him.  He likes to be a little too rough with you sometimes, and often you end up crying when you play together.  But overall, you are the best of buddies.  I promise Daddy and I do our best to protect you from Trey, but I don't think we'll have to do that much longer.  You are getting bigger and stronger, and Trey is learning to be more gentle.

I call you my "Chill Baby" because you love to calmly observe the world around you in this quiet, sweet manner.  You are a snuggler and everything you've done has been a little bit later than your big brother (which is totally fine with me!).  You didn't get your first tooth until you were 8 months old - this is also the month you sat up alone.  You started crawling until 10 months and pulled yourself up at 12 months.  You have been content to be held or quietly playing on the floor - you do have a bit of a temper when you want to particularly while getting dressed after your bath at night.  You slept through the night at 2 months old - that was a gift to Daddy because he was with you all night while I went back to work night shift at the hospital.   I feel very blessed to have had 2 very good babies. 

The moment I delivered you, I couldn't imagine my life without you.  Daddy and I pray for you every day that you will grow to love Jesus - that He will one day become LORD of your life.  We try to model what this looks like but we make a lot of mistakes on a daily basis.  Our family wouldn't be the same without you.  I love hearing your pitter patter as you crawl after me to find me in the house.  I love when you scrunch up your nose and clamp your mouth shut when you don't want to eat any more food at mealtime.  I love hearing your jabber in the car, and seeing you interact with your big brother.   I know God has amazing plans for your life, and I am excited to see you continue to learn and grow.

I love you, Daddy loves you, and Jesus loves you most,

Mama

She loves me, she loves me not

I've been reminded about the importance of my motive behind my actions the last couple of weeks.  I sense that God is stirring my heart -  not exactly sure what He is teaching me just yet - but I know He is stirring me and drawing me closer to His heart.  I'm starting to understand in a deeper way that this life is about my relationship with Him not about how carefully I construct my own little rules and then check them off my list.  It's about how my heart and spirit is obedient to Him even when my life (and my children) may still appear messy and not in perfect control.  I've been reminded of this recently because I am so new to this stay at home mom role.  I was initially overwhelmed but am now settling into what God has for me during this season of life.  And I want to do it well.  Here goes my list of expectations for myself: I want the children to mind me when I tell them something.  I want the house to be clean and cozy (not chaotic) when David comes home from work.  I want my dinners to be impeccably timed and tasteful.  I know that my life will not run perfectly, but I have certain standards that I want to maintain.  But today as I was hurrying around trying to get baths done and dinner dishes cleaned up, God's Spirit spoke very clearly to me about my motives and my impatient spirit, my often unloving attitudes, and about trusting Him with the jobs He has given me to do today.  My mind was brought to I Corinthians 13 that talks about all the great things a person can accomplish in life, but if love is not the driving force, it is worthless - it means nothing.  As I was giving the boys a bath tonight, I thought about the chapter in relation to things I tend to struggle with when it comes to loving motives.

Joy's version of I Corinthians 13

If I read my little boys 7 books in a row but try to rush through each one and have not love, I am a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I stay up late with a feverish child or get out of bed early with a teething infant but am impatient and have not love, I am nothing.
If I cook a meal for a new family or sacrificially donate to Operation Christmas Child or talk with a frazzled mom friend on the phone but have not love (and worse, maintain a critical or selfish spirit), I gain nothing.
Love is patient (despite being inconvenienced or having no time for myself), love is kind (even when I am being asked the same question for the 33rd time in a row).  It does not envy (even when it seems like all of our friends materially have so much more than we do), it does not boast (even when I - often driven by my insecurity - want to talk up something amazing that I think my little boy just did), it is not proud (even when it is scary to admit I need help).  It is not rude (even when I believe my husband has misunderstood me), it is not self-seeking (even when I want time for myself instead of caring for my children and home), it is not easily angered (even when I still believe my husband continues to misunderstand me - instead love seeks to understand him and his heart), it keeps no record of wrongs (even when my child has continuously disobeyed me during the day).  Love does not delight in evil (even when someone who was just rude to me on the road gets pulled over a few minutes later for speeding) but rejoices with the truth (even when the truth is hard to face).  It always protects (even when I would rather attack), always trusts (when it is so much easier to give into fear), always hopes (even when we haven't been paid since September), always perseveres (even when it would be easier to turn away when my child needs correction).  Love never fails (though I in my human flesh will fail to love perfectly, my Father God who is defined as Love will never fail).

I am far from perfect - often fall short in loving my family and others well.  But I have a perfect Model who loves me exactly as I need and shows me how to love.  I am rejoicing tonight that He speaks so directly to me - even during a soapy, wet bubble bath with my boys squealing and splashing. I don't want to miss the many opportunities He gives me throughout my day to learn how to love the way He has shown me.

Three

 

Dear sweet Trey,

Happy third birthday!  I am so happy that God gave you to me and Daddy to care for and raise.  You bring so much life, love, and joy into our home.  I love hearing your little voice fill every room that you are in.  I smile when I hear you giggling with Daddy or with Jonathan.  My heart is happy when I see your eyes dance with excitement over something you have just learned or discovered.  I love being your Mommy more than anything else in the entire world.

This was a big year for you.  You became a big brother to Jonathan.  There have been moments when you haven't been too sure about this new little person entering into our family.  But overall, you have been a very loving and sweet brother.  You have gotten really good at saying "I'm sorry" to Jonathan for tackling him or knocking him over.  You have such a tender, sweet (yet determined) spirit.

You are all potty trained now.  We tried back in the Spring but you had so many accidents that we decided to wait until after we moved.  Then in September, I told you one morning "No more diapers."  And you never wore a diaper again.  You are such a big boy, and you have us all clap and cheer for you when you go potty.  You also clap for me and Daddy when we go potty too.  I love your fun loving nature.

You love to read books.  We read before bedtime and often throughout the day.  You enjoy playing with Thomas and your other trains more than anything else, but you have fun coloring and doing other art activities too.  Your favorite movies are Finding Nemo, Toy Story, and LeapFrog Letter Factory.  You ask to go to church, school, and the library on a daily basis.  We also have fun going to the park to walk or play on the playground several times a week.  I love watching you learn, grow, and have fun.

You talk so well and say so many things now - earlier in the year we took you for some speech therapy and I think it helped you.  Some of my favorite things to hear you say are "Mama, lay down with me" when it is time to go to sleep and you want me or Daddy to lay down with you for a little bit.  "Mommy, rock please - mama, cover me with my manky (blanky)" when you want to be rocked a little before going to sleep - you always insist on being covered with your blue blanket.  Or "I go to time out" after you have taken a toy or hit your brother - you automatically know to go sit in time out.  "I wuuuuuuuuvvvvvv you" in your sweet little voice with the "wuv" sounded out over a couple seconds.   "Mama, come fere (here)" as you take me by the finger and guide me wherever you want me to go at the moment.  "I need my tup (cup) please."

We moved from Arizona to Georgia this year, so now we are closer to our families.  You left the only home you ever remember, but now Mommy gets to stay home with you all the time.  I can't think of anything I would rather do than spend my days caring for you and Jonathan and making our home a nice, happy place for Daddy to come home to.  You are loved by so many people - Daddy, Mama, Jonathan, and so many friends and family love you, but Jesus loves you the most.  We pray everyday that one day you will grow to love Jesus too.  Sometimes when you are sleeping, I will lay next to you on your bed and pray for you.  I pray that you will grow to be a kind, loving person who makes a difference in the world, and that one day you will make Jesus the Lord of your life just like Daddy and I have done.  You are such a precious boy, and I am so blessed that you are mine. 

I love you,
Mama

1 month old

15 months old

2 years old

A Little Lesson in Thankfulness

My heart has been hurting the past week and a half for very dear friends of ours who also happen to be my sister in law and brother in law.   After a couple years of wanting a baby but not being able to achieve pregnancy, they were so excited to announce a little over a month ago that they were expecting their first baby.  We all rejoiced with them as we had been praying that God would give them a child.  Everything in the pregnancy was going exactly as expected until last week when she went for an ultrasound.    Just the week before, there had been a strong heartbeat.  They were reassured that this was a good, healthy pregnancy.  Then last Wednesday at 10 weeks gestation when they went in for an ultrasound, the baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat.  What had been been sheer joy was now utter devastation - for them and for so many that know and love them. 

I don't understand why God would give such a wonderful gift to these sweet friends only to then let it be taken away.  I know that He loves them, and that He desires good and not evil for them.  But it is so hard to accept this as being sifted through His hand.  I'm not trying to question God or say that I know better than He does because I certainly do not.  This is one thing as a labor and delivery nurse that I always struggled with: the women that do everything right in their pregnancy seem to have more problems (at times) than the women that live very selfishly in their pregnancy by smoking, doing drugs, drinking alcohol, not taking care of themselves physically, etc.  Or why are there so many happily married, loving couples who can't become pregnant yet there are young girls who can get pregnant by accident on a one night stand?

So as I was struggling with this the other night, I decided it was a good time to pray about it with Trey.  We had been praying for the baby, and now we wanted to pray for the sweet parents who were left with unfulfilled dreams and empty arms.  I knelt down on the floor next to Trey, and I told him we were going to talk to Jesus about Uncle Matt and Aunt Renee.  I started to pray and ask God to comfort their hearts, but Trey kept interrupting me. 
"No, Mama, God our Fodder (Father)..."  he said.
"Trey, we'll sing God our Father after we talk to God first."  I said, knowing that Trey wanted to sing the song we sing before our meals thanking God for our blessings.  I started to pray again.
"No, Mama, sing God our Fodder..." he now insisted. 
So instead of speaking our prayer, we began to sing, "God our Father, God our Father, we thank you, we thank you, for our many blessings, for our many blessings, Amen, Amen"
And as soon as we were done singing, I heard the Spirit of God speaking to my heart telling me that in times of not understanding, of unspeakable pain, thankfulness will carry me through.  I may not have the answers to why things happen the way they do, and I don't need the answers.  But my response is to give thanks - not necessarily for the trial but in the trial.  I had wanted to pray with Trey and ask God for comfort for my friends - but through a simple song by my two year old, God reminded me that it in giving thanks, my focus is on my Creator, my Savior, not the seemingly overwhelming circumstances.  A very simple time with Trey yet it was a life lesson for me that I hope to not ever forget. 

Thank you, Father, for meeting me in my hurt and pain and reminding me of your truth.  And thank you for the healing you are already providing to Matt and Renee - please continue to draw them close to You and to each other.  May Your perfect will be done in their lives and their family.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thessalonians 5:18

New for Today

Lamentations 3:22-23 "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,  for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

I woke up this morning with this on my mind "His mercies are new every morning." (Lamentations 3:22-23)  I was originally thinking that and praying for close friends who recently lost their baby through miscarriage.  But as my day wore on, I continued to claim that promise on this day as a mommy.  It's been a challenging day so far - nothing big to make it hard - just the little things that tend to wear me down.  So I have intentionally thought about how in this day, my Savior's unfailing love and new mercies can renew my mind.

When my ten month old who is going through a growth spurt wakes up hungry at four 'o' clock in the morning, I quietly whine to myself about my "right" to uninterrupted sleep and go get him so he won't wake up his older brother.   As I nurse him in the dark for a few minutes before he drifts off to sleep, I think "His mercies are new every morning."  And His grace has given me this precious, growing one.

When a little voice at a much too early time peers over the side of my bed and says to me "Mama, get up please.  I need my cup.  I am firsty"  I want to insist that he go back to sleep and wake up when I am ready to be awake, but instead I get out of bed and sleepily get his cup for him.  As my toddler snuggles with me in the quietness of the morning, I am reminded "His mercies are new every morning."  And His grace has given me this quiet moment with my not-often-very-still little boy.

When I take my boys to the library for story time, and my toddler continuously pulls me in the opposite direction of where we are headed, I become tired of fighting his own little agenda and disobedience.  I am reminded that His mercies are enough to give me the strength to be kind yet consistent even in these frustrating moments.

When I am fixing lunch, and my little boy decides that he will throw a level eight temper tantrum for no apparent reason, I stand over him perplexed as to how to respond in the right way.  I breathe a prayer for strength and insight, and I remember that even in this temper tantrum, His mercies are new every morning.  And His grace provided an encouraging phone call from my mother in law at just the right time after that.

When I am overwhelmed, frazzled, or just tired from the many mundane tasks involved with mommyhood, I thank my Father for allowing me the privilege of being home full time with my boys.  Even when I am picking up those Mr. Potato Head pieces for the 16th time today and helping my little boy make the 33rd letter "T" in a row on his magnetic doodle pad, I can rejoice that I am doing what God wants me to be doing.  In this purposeful gratitude, I am reminded  that "His mercies are new every day."

I am so thankful to not have to rely on the strength, mercy, and grace that are leftovers from yesterday.  I am claiming the promise that my Father supplies new strength for each new day, and I am so grateful that He speaks to me in the quiet places of my heart at exactly the right time.